A LIFE WITH TOO MANY DELAYS
- August 31, 2017
- by Nur Imroatun Sholihat
source: pinterest.com |
(I don’t usually share a very
personal story but this time I feel like making this story spoken out. It’s
just… my heart scattered into pieces. Oh Allah, pardon me for being
downhearted. I know You know what's inside my heart even the things I don't
know. I'm ashamed for my constant complaint though.)
Sedari kecil, hal-hal dalam hidup
saya sepertinya terlambat. Penundaan seolah menjadi kawan baik saja dari hari
ke hari. Saya terlambat dalam banyak hal mulai dari mengerti tentang dandan
(sampai awal masa kuliah pun saya belum paham konsep untuk terlihat menarik.)
sampai terlambat mendapatkan hal-hal yang penting bagi kehidupan.
As a moslem, I deeply understood
the concept of “come in the right time by Allah’s version”. I believe it with
all my heart but still I can say I’m slower that almost everyone and
it quietly discouraging me. I’m living a life where the things I
consider as important don’t come on time by my version. I’m living a life where
things approach me late or even very late. Everything delayed without giving me
the needed explanation so I can accept it. While other people are busy at their
stage, I stuck at the lower stage. While other people got what people at their
age got, I'm still afraid even just to imagine it.
It’s not that I love to complain
but my life is seriously getting depressing. I’m a human and it’s really
frustrating that anything doesn’t go my way. Almost nothing fell into place for
me. The pain doesn’t stop there. Every single trial I had seems harder that
anyone’s. Failures I had in my life is worse than anyone’s. Even as the one who
went through it, I feel bad for myself. And life still runs regardless my
circumstances—as per usual.
I remember my dad ever said that
when things do not go our planned way, that’s when our belief are tested.
“Don’t you think after you said you believe, Allah will not try you with
difficulties, hardships, calamities just as the previous ummah”, said dad when
I told him my miseries. I want to remember that whenever I’m surrounded by
difficulties and my heart started to feel heavy. I wish the hardships I bear
for years will provide me happiness in the future. I pray for a happy ending.
Pardon me to complain over and
over again, Allah. Sungguh hamba makhluk tak tahu diri. Sungguh hamba makhluk
yang tak tahu diri. Aku berlindung kepada-Mu dari rasa sedih yang menggerogoti
hati.
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