By nurimroatun - May 24, 2017

“Iim kpn plg? Mm kangen.”

So, Mom, how’ve you been? It has been 9 months I haven’t seen your face. Are you happy from time to time? I never heard anything except you said you’re doing well. You must be well there, right? I only saw your smile through the screen instead saw it directly. Did you wear a smile even though I’m not around? You should know that your well-beingness is always be my top priority.

I beg you don’t ever ask me about feeling. I don’t even acknowledge my own. Could you imagine how it feel to live without the feeling of going back home for months? The sea draws thick line between us. I’m miles away from the place I’m most comfortable at. But distance means nothing because you always pray for me and vice versa. I don’t have to worry since the only distance between us is prayer. We both know for sure that we're only a prayer away.

I might be very lacking in term of revealing my own feeling. I’m not good at delivering my own feeling into words. So bare with me because I might call you for unimportant conversation, only because I miss you very hard. So please understand that I never said anything sugar-like about me wanted to go home or missed you simply for I'm tight-lipped in front of feeling. (You raised me the way strong women is raised and I think confessing feeling doesn't suit me at all. hihi) I’m just too shy to say anything related to feeling then I just write it. Despite my silence, don’t misunderstand my inner thought. Unknowingly I bring you in my heart in every heartbeat. I think of you in every step I take.

Mom, do you know what kind of words I said to myself whenever hardship comes to me? I do it for my parents. I’m here far away from you both only to make you proud of me. Forever, you’ll be my source of strength. You know that presently I’m working my hardest to be the better person. I’ll be back as the better me so please just hang around. Make your heart patiently wait for me. I apologize that I wasn’t a good daughter.  But you have to know, I tried my best to be a decent daughter. I'll dedicate the biggest effort to make you happy. Let's be healthy and happy, Mom.

Home is you so I barely call any place or anyone home. I’ll be home soon.

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