“Do you like it?” a friend asked, referring to visiting a bookstore that I mentioned as one of my wish list items in Sydney. It was a summer day in December when people flocked together in one of the biggest bookstores in the city.  

There was a slight pause before I nodded. The emotions overwhelmed me at that moment I saw a vast array of books and somebody's question brought all of my attention to my feelings toward them. Unknowingly tears dropped behind my mask. Immediately I turned away so nobody could see my reddened eyes.

In my university life, I witnessed first-hand how much privilege people could have. I noticed how easy things could be when you have a comfortable life and many options to pick from. Indeed, most of my fellow students come from affluent backgrounds. While this fact didn’t necessarily make me feel bad about my life, unconsciously my grateful level slightly decreased. It wasn’t at the level where it should be: I should be highly grateful for where I was at that time.

Until a day I visited a bookstore with my friends and my hands trembled while picked a book from the shelf. I instantly recalled my childhood memory of borrowing children’s magazines from my neighbor because my parents couldn’t afford the subscription fees. That little girl in my past wouldn’t believe it if I went back and told her, “You would be able to buy the expensive books you like somewhere very far away, without having to put them back after seeing the price labels. Therefore, don’t feel disheartened that you can’t buy ones now,”. She definitely would think I was lying just to console her heart. Growing up, that little girl's options were always limited because she was aware of her family’s financial situation. Things that might be ordinary for other people were luxuries for her. Until the moment she earned money by herself, she always held back her desire to buy books, especially expensive ones. Therefore, there is no way those comforting words seem close to reality. 

Now, far away from her hometown, she was unafraid to see the books’ prices anymore. She can touch a book without having to worry whether she can have it or not. At that exact moment, it was a crystal-clear realization of how far she had come. As she knew she couldn’t undermine the significant progress she had made, tears unstoppably rolled down. In the middle of a crowded bookstore, she really wanted to pat her shoulder and say, “you did well”. She made a big leap in life considering her starting point. If she measures her progress by her personal yardstick, she should never let her grateful level decrease. She should understand how much progress she has made when she uses her personal measure stick.

I wish I had a proper photo but there is only this selfie of me in that bookstore

In the middle of a packed bookstore, she felt sorry for herself for the moment when she was less grateful than she should be. In between bookshelves, a song that always made her both smile and weep suddenly rang in her ears:

“A life of no regrets--memories when being poor, I was happy,” 1

Hey little girl, I must say I'm not lying. I would like to also thank you for living your day happily even when you were poor. I would definitely not take your beautiful patience and attitude toward the difficulties for granted. I would cherish all the memories of you loving books dearly although you can't have them. It was a humbling reminder of how much I should be thankful for this life.

Look at you here and now. Don’t you think you would be even happier knowing that in the future, you can be in the middle of a busy bookstore in the heart of your dream city? 

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1Lyrics of Hopefully Sky by Jung Eunji

Image credit: Sabrina Bertazzo via citymonitor.ai