Saw some bloggers shared their fun facts and I got inspired to do the same. I hope you can understand me better by knowing these fun facts about me. Which of these facts do you already know? :)

1. Born and raised in Purworejo, Central Java. However, I had lived in Jakarta during the first half of my elementary school days. 

2. Speak Javanese (all levels: ngoko, krama madya, krama alus--thank my mom that insisted I should be able to speak all of them), intermediate Sundanese (my neighbor taught me indirectly), Indonesian, English, and basic Spanish (blame Barca and Neruda :p). I am also a long-time learner of Al Quran's and Al Hadith's translation so I know a bit of Arabic, especially those which are mentioned in those books. 

3. Journaling since the first grade of junior high school. I have a habit of writing down my feelings and random thoughts (which make me surprised when I reread them). 

4. The very first money I got from writing in a magazine is IDR 25.000 and I remember my dad asked me: "Kenopo seneng banget toh im entuk selawe ewu?" ("Why are you that happy, im, to get IDR 25.000?")

5. Easily cry. Indeed a certified melancholic person. I could shed tears without a certain reason T.T

6. Been years into practicing guitar yet forever at the beginner level. How to make the proper Bm sound tho'? :p

7. Was actually a quiet, shy person who tried hard to change herself to be more confident. You may not believe it but I am an introverted person (I know you are gonna disagree but let me repeat it for the 784644 times :p)

8. Love jajanan pasar (klepon, kue putu, kue pukis, you name it) soooo much

9. My childhood dream is to be a lecturer.

10. Spent my childhood fishing, playing kite, hide and seek, jump rope, egrang, gobak sodor, and any other traditional games in my village.

11. Can't drink coffee at all. I can drink tea but prefer plain water.

14. Some of my favorite poets are Jalaluddin Rumi, Pablo Neruda, and Sapardi Djoko Damono. I had a habit of reading one by one fiction books from my schools' libraries until I finished them all, except the ones I wasn't interested in. 

15. I also enjoy reading East Asia's novels. Some of my favorites are Silent Separation (Gu Man) and I Want to Eat Your Pancreas (Yuro Sumino) :)

16. I haven't watched that many dramas but with my limited exposure, my favorite K-drama is Reply 1988, J-drama is One Litre of Tears, and C-drama is Some Day or One Day

17. I feel everything deeply--which serves as both strength and weakness for me.

18. While I love writing with my heart and soul, I hope it will never be my job. (It is the answer to the frequently asked question: "Since you love writing so much, why don't you be a full-time writer?". On the contrary, because I love it so much, I want to do it pressure-free.)

19. My childhood memories also consist of the period where my mom didn't let me watch TV. She encouraged me to play outside the house instead. That is why I am not familiar with Doraemon's stories and any other cartoons'.

20. My dream house is a beach house, where the back door connects me with the seashore. It is indeed therapeutic.

21. If I had to choose, my favorite color is navy blue, although I like almost all colors equally.

22. The thing I find most attractive in a person is their eyes. Personality-wise, it is the beautiful balance of patient and passionate attitude.

23. I feel comforted to smell petrichor and soft morning dew. To calm my mind, I sometimes perform meditation.

24. Jennie of Blackpink had ever been asked about what action a man does that makes her heart flutter. I know my answer is not important (since nobody is curious about it) but same as Jennie, I like when someone remembers something I mentioned in the past and does it for me. In addition, I do highly appreciate chivalrous behaviors, even better when they are performed subtly as if they are genuine habits of the doer. 

25. My favorite subjects at school were biology, history, and PE.

26. I couldn't watch any scary movie. 

27. Realizing I am easily affected emotionally, I am learning to be a stoic. A long way to go :)

28. Now when I think about it, I have a habit of giving in and putting other people first. Back in junior high school, when participating in the regional's scout jamboree, I slept in the kitchen tent so my team didn't jostle against each other while sleeping in the main tent. I also let my friends had the room I've reserved the night before STAN's entrance exam and I slept in a mosque instead.

29. The issues I wish I talked more about: mental health and equality in quality education.

30. Some of my comfort songs are Coldplay's Fix You, The Carpenter's Yesterday Once More, Lee Juck's Don't Worry Dear, Leehi's Breathe, Jung Eunji's Hopefully Sky, and Mao Buyi's Perfect Day. I don't listen to many Indonesian musicians but if I have to mention one that I really like, it's gonna be KLa Project. Their songs comfort me from time to time.

So what are your fun facts, pals? :)

Your friend, 

iim

source: thewarsan.com

Beberapa hari yang lalu, seorang sahabat bercerita bahwa dia ingin sekali mendapatkan sertifikasi CIA. Bagi sebagian besar orang di dunia audit internal, memiliki gelar Certified Internal Auditor (CIA) memang adalah harapan yang disimpan dalam hati untuk suatu saat diperjuangkan. Tidak terhitung berapa kali orang-orang menyapa saya di LinkedIn maupun blog untuk menceritakan impian ini (dan saya tersenyum turut mendoakan). 

“Tapi ujiannya aja mahal banget. Uangnya dari mana ya,” ujarnya lirih di seberang telepon.

image source: shethepeople.tv

Terdata-data /ter.da.ta-da.ta/ a 1 ragu-ragu; bimbang; kebingungan dalam dunia data; 2 tergagap-gagap; tidak lancar berbicara mengenai data: karena takut 3 tersendat-sendat mempelajari data (“terbata-bata” dalam KBBI dengan sedikit penyesuaian. Here it is Kamus Besar Bahasa Iim yang sungguh ilegal itu :p)

(Beberapa hari yang lalu, ketika sudah hampir tertidur, tiba-tiba frasa “terdata-data” melintas di kepala dan saya harus bangun untuk menuliskannya sebelum melanjutkan tidur. Zzzzzz. Salah satu hal yang saya syukuri sekaligus tidak dari kecintaan pada dunia menulis adalah bagaimana ketika ide datang, saya harus segera menuliskannya. The perk of being in love with writing. Oke kembali ke laptop, *joke tahun kapaaaan itu, im* saya akan bercerita makna sesungguhnya dari frasa itu.)

Di awal tahun 2020, kenyamanan hidup saya terusik ketika saya dipindah ke tim pengembangan data analytics. Sesungguhnya mbok kalau becanda jangan beneran. Saya kan seumur hidup nggak pernah belajar soal data terus tiba-tiba harus masuk tim itu, dengan ekspektasi tidak melalui proses timik-timik, rambatan, apalagi pakai baby walker *sobs*. Bukannya timnya tidak berbaik hati tapi siapa sih yang punya kemewahan belajar dulu baru mengerjakan? Maka saya pun terdata-data, terlunta-lunta, di pusaran gegap gempita ibukota *insert dramatic drum roll sound*. Hari-hari awal saya diisi dengan secara konstan merasa nista karena nggak paham dan nggak paham-paham. 

“Penderitaan” belum berakhir karena kemudian saya mendapat amanah menjadi public relations manager MoF-DAC (Ministry of Finance – Data Analytics Community). As the cherry on the cake, saya menjadi host dari Ngotak (Ngobrol Data Keuangan), sebuah siniar untuk mendukung pembentukan data culture di Kemenkeu. Hidup saya sekarang seolah dikepung perdataan: maju ketemu data, nengok disambut data, mundur pun dicegat data. Kalau bahasanya Warkop DKI sih: maju kena mundur kena (a Warkop DKI reference tho’. Hihi.).

Semua itu membuat saya seringkali diam-diam tertawa ngakak. Sebuah terdata-data yang sempurna mengingat level saya seumpama baru mengeja alif-ba-ta. Namun, kenyataan bahwa saya berdamai dengan segala beban bahkan kini mulai menikmatinya membuat saya senang. Saya mulai tidak takut ketika orang membicarakan data di depan saya. Saya bahkan berani sesekali melempar pendapat yang barangkali bodoh atau salah di tengah diskusi mengenai data. Saya tidak menyangka keterbata-bataan tidak memberhentikan saya dari beropini. Alasan di baliknya tidak lain sebab orang-orang di sekeliling saya begitu sabar menunggu saya menyelesaikan kalimat. How lucky I am that people patiently listen to me even though I stutter *tissue please*

Selain karena didukung oleh lingkungan yang memperlakukan pemula dengan baik dan mengkondisikan orang-orang di dalamnya untuk terus belajar, tentu ada hal-hal yang saya lakukan untuk bisa survive. Demi kaum terdata-data (atau yang terbata-bata di bidang lainnya), saya akan menuliskan bagaimana saya menghadapi masa yang berat itu. Sebagai orang yang kerap memasuki bidang baru dengan tangan kosong, inilah langkah-langkah yang saya tempuh agar tetap waras dan bisa berfungsi sebagaimana mestinya (disclaimer: I don't know if I am qualified to write some tips as I am also still a beginner but let's go on):

👉 Menerima

Saya berusaha untuk bersikap lembut pada diri sendiri dan tidak memperlakukan proses belajar sebagai sebuah balapan lari. Saya memberikan kesempatan pada diri untuk belajar lebih lambat dari orang lain. Saya menanamkan pemikiran bahwa progress tidak diukur dari perbandingan saya dengan orang lain tetapi dengan diri saya di masa sebelumnya. Dengan demikian, saya bisa menikmati prosesnya dan mensyukuri privilege yang saya dapatkan berupa berada di situasi yang mendorong untuk belajar. 

P.S.: If you ever heard a statement that brings you down or felt stuck without progress, hang in there. I am with you. Don't give up yet :)

👉 Mencintai

(I know it sounds lame but pleaseee, kapan sih iim nggak garing? hihi). Saya mencari alasan untuk mencintai sesuatu yang saya kerjakan. Saya menelusuri sisi menyenangkan dari apa yang ada di hadapan saya. Alasan senorak "kayanya keren juga kalau bisa ngomongin data" did work on me. hahaha. Receh memang saya.  

But turned out, the point isn't really about that. I start something for a fun reason and then find a "serious" one along the way. When I dive deeper, I get the benefit of doing that something and for that "real" reason, I finally have bigger courage and energy to move forward. So, please find a reason to love what you do, even when it sounds so simple.

👉 Membaca

Saya selalu membuka perjalanan di bidang baru dengan membaca dokumentasi terkait hal tersebut. Bagaimana posisi bidang ini di rencana strategis organisasi? Bagaimana roadmap-nya? Bagaimana bunyi panduan pelaksanaannya? Apabila terdapat kajian terkait hal tersebut, saya juga akan membacanya terlebih dahulu. Setelah itu, saya akan mulai membaca buku-buku dan referensi terkait. (Juga berusaha mempelajari better/best practice terkait hal tersebut di organisasi lain).

👉 Mendengarkan (dan googling)

Saya juga mendengarkan orang-orang yang sudah bergelut di bidang itu ketika mereka berdiskusi. Tentu pada mulanya saya tersendat-sendat memahaminya. Googling adalah jalan ninjaku. Hehe. Apa itu SQL? Apa hubungan Hadoop dengan "haduh" yang sering saya ucapkan itu? Makanan apa itu data wrangling? Kenapa ada ular yang mereka bahas? Apakah mereka juga merangkap sebagai pawang ular? (Becanda. Hehe. Python adalah salah satu bahasa pemrograman yang digunakan dalam data analytics).

The struggle is real. I can relate :)

Saya juga berusaha untuk banyak bertanya dan tidak malu mengajukan pertanyaan paling dasar sekalipun. Kelebihan dari penggunaan metode ini adalah kita mendapatkan intisari pengetahuan dan pengalaman orang tersebut yang mungkin jika kita mencarinya sendiri akan menghabiskan begitu banyak waktu. Tidak sia-sia bukan waktu SD saya belajar peribahasa “malu bertanya sesat di jalan”? Saya sungguh menerapkannya di dunia nyata :p

👉 Bernegosiasi

Ini prinsip yang selalu saya pegang: setiap orang memiliki peran di mana dia bisa memberikan yang terbaik dari dirinya. Jika saya tidak bisa berkontribusi secara maksimal melalui sebuah peran, pasti ada sesuatu yang bisa saya lakukan dengan peran lain untuk mendukung pekerjaan tersebut. Saya tidak ragu untuk mengomunikasikan kesulitan dan kekurangan saya dan menyampaikan input bahwa saya bisa membantu dari sisi yang lain. Saya akan bernegosiasi agar organisasi bisa memanfaatkan kemampuan saya (yang sangat sedikit itu) dengan sebaik-baiknya.

Demikian tips saya saat terdata-data. Semoga membantu. Kalau teman-teman, apa nih tipsnya saat menapaki bidang baru? 

Your friend, 

iim

"Be patient with yourself. You are growing stronger every day." (Robert Tew)

source: pinterest.com/jodiokun

Some months ago, I finished a 5-week Australia Awards Scholarship Pre-departure Training Program. I belonged to a class consisting of 13 scholars with various backgrounds, meeting for the first time in a virtual classroom. At the end of the program, every student received a final report, and mine is shown below. 

source: learningforjustice.org

(Fyuhhh privilege is such a sensitive topic so I tried to write it carefully. I hope it doesn’t come out in the wrong tone.)

Beberapa waktu yang lalu, Aini Kolbiana yang merupakan salah satu kontributor INJO.ID menghubungi saya  terkait rencana memuat cerita mendapatkan CIA, CISA, dan AAS selama masa pandemi. Singkat cerita, wawancara via telepon itu terjadi di sebuah sore dan saya mengatakan bahwa pandemi bukanlah sesuatu yang mudah bagi siapapun (and I felt sorry to anyone because we have to go through such a difficult period) tetapi saya mencoba sebisa mungkin menyikapinya dengan positif. Saya memanfaatkan masa kerja dari rumah (KDR) di mana saya tidak perlu melakukan perjalanan pulang pergi ke kantor itu untuk mengejar mimpi-mimpi yang sekian lama tertunda dengan alasan “tidak punya waktu” (a.k.a. sok sibuk padahal hanya malas. Hihihi.).

source: searchenginejournal.com

Mungkin jarang sekali terucap tetapi saya punya ketertarikan yang besar terhadap isu pemberdayaan perempuan. (Tentu saya bukan ahli untuk berbicara hal ini melainkan hanya seseorang biasa yang memiliki perhatian khusus terhadapnya). Tumbuh di tengah konstruksi sosial yang mengharuskan kaum hawa berusaha lebih banyak ketimbang kaum adam untuk meraih sesuatu, saya sadar perlunya untuk peduli pada isu tersebut. Selain itu, bekerja di dunia yang didominasi laki-laki membuat saya memahami pentingnya menjadi jangkar dalam meningkatkan kepedulian orang-orang terhadap topik ini. Ditambah lagi, organisasi tempat saya bekerja juga secara serius mencurahkan perhatian terhadap pengarusutamaan gender (PUG) sehingga isu ini menjadi semakin dekat dengan saya.

Major alert: Just a random personal story of mine. Feel free to skip it.

source: unsplash.com

(I am aware of the need to prevent myself from posting a story about good deeds for the doubt of whether I could keep the pure intention of doing something just because of Allah. Bear with me. This post isn't about me showing off a deed, but instead, a contemplation of my recent years' journey).

I finished an i'tikaf (with strict safety protocols, of course) today and was ready to go back when I saw the mosque's keeper bringing mop equipment. Seeing the scene in front of me, I froze. It has been 4 years since the last time I mopped a mosque. Suddenly, there is a strong urge to ask him whether I could do the chore instead. At first, he was in doubt probably because he didn't want to trouble me but I said that I would be happy to do that.

While cleaning up the floor, I reminisced that in the past, I did not agonize over worldly life that much.

Back then, I cared about my worldly life but didn’t let it bother me tremendously. Instead, from time to time, my biggest concern was whether Allah sees me in a good light. Before doing anything, I'd consider whether Allah would be happy knowing the choices I've made. I wanted Allah to love me so I always tried to put Him before anyone/anything. My days partially consisted of sitting in mosques talking to Allah like He's the best friend I trust the most. Then and now, indeed I cried a lot but in lieu of worrying about worldly things, I did because of the realization of the sins I committed yet Allah was still utterly kind to me. The fact that He showered me with a lot of blessings nevertheless my flawed self was heartwarming to the point I promise to pay His favors back by trying to please Him the best I can.

Feeling-wise, I felt content with each day. I appreciated every little thing, good or bad, since I trusted Him with my life.

During these current years, I started to care about worldly life more than ever. I am easily upset whenever Allah gives me a huge trial (regardless of the fact that it's just a worldly tribulation, something previously I wasn't too melancholic about). I started to complain that Allah put a heavy burden on my shoulders because my not-so-wise self didn't think I deserve this. I took the marriage issue to a new whole level of grief. I wept countlessly because I can't ignore the pain even though I always tried to convince myself that I am okay. The biggest source of stress is that my parents don't even give me a break. They tried to bring up the particular topic at every opportunity possible. No matter how much effort I put to be a better person, they always think of me as a failed daughter simply because I haven't married yet¹. A story about me achieving something but marriage isn't good news anymore. They couldn’t be more careless towards my progress of outgrowing myself as long as I am not telling them a nuptial plan. From my side, it is frustrating to be seen as a failure when I've continuously put so much effort to grow. 

As if a woman's worth is fully dependent on whether she's paired up or not.

But today, while mopping the floor, I remember again that after I die, what's asked isn't my marital status but solely my deeds. Am I pious enough? Do I perform good deeds more than the bad ones? Am I patient and content with Allah's decisions? I doubt the full-of-complaints self of mine today would be able to face Allah in a poised manner. I believe the current me don't dare to answer these questions confidently. 

Seeing the reflection on the floor, I asked where is the old iim who smiled a lot and was thankful for her life. Also, rather than worrying about worldly life, I should be more concerned about the hereafter one, right? I should, as before, think that instead of something to complain about, this is my trial--my battle--my struggle to prove my belief and trust in Him. I simply want to be so confident in His decision that I don't anguish over it anymore.

It's 4 A.M., teary, I am standing with newfound strength in me. Alhamdulillah.

----

¹I am deeply sorry to my parents that I am an imperfect daughter, with such a tragic fate. For being so pitiful, I am truly sorry.

(I am sorry that my posts these days sound dark. Life isn't all about the rainbows, right?  I just wanted to write my honest feelings that before wasn't my approach to writing. Don't worry. I'll back to my cheerful self soon insyaAllah.)

source: favim.com

(For Bahasa version, please scroll down. | Versi bahasa Indonesia tersedia di bawah.)

(I must say that the title sounds overly dramatic but bear with me for a while.)

Some days ago, a close friend asked me a question which left me taken aback. There was buried desperation in her voice and eyes as if life has played a wrongful unfair game with her. All the scars on her which were invisible all the time became vividly apparent and now I can’t unsee them. 

source: pinterest.com

Hello, there! I hope you all are healthy and sane :)

Sudah lama rasanya ingin bercerita soal dunia membaca puisi tetapi saya baru sempat menuliskannya sekarang. Jadi ceritanya beberapa waktu yang lalu saya mengikuti Lomba Baca Puisi dalam rangka Peringatan Hari Oeang Republik Indonesia ke-74. Saat itu, sebenarnya saya sedang tenggelam mengurusi kegiatan Kompetisi Data Analytics Kemenkeu (di mana saya ditunjuk untuk menjadi project manager acaranya). Kompetisi itu menguras hampir seluruh waktu dan tenaga saya sehingga saya awalnya tidak berpikir untuk mengikuti lomba bidang yang telah saya pelajari sejak SMP itu. Tetapi di suatu malam, tiba-tiba saya berpikir: kira-kira saya bakal nyesel nggak ya ini berlalu begitu saja?

image source: theodisseyonline.com

Saya baru saja mengikuti kompetisi menulis opini yang dibuka untuk seluruh APIP di Indonesia. Artikel berjudul “APIP dan Tata Kelola Data” saya kirimkan untuk mengikuti kompetisi yang diadakan dalam rangka HUT ke-54 Itjen Kemenkeu itu. Saya mengerjakan artikel itu dengan cukup ngebut—sekitar setengah hari saja, itupun di hari terakhir (dasar deadliner!). Lalu saya memaksakan diri mengirimkannya agar bisa memindahkan perhatian saya kepada pekerjaan. (You know the constant dissatisfaction of what you write and think that you might be able to make it better when actually even after countless times of re-reading, only insignificant minor revisions happened? Hihi. That’s why for many cases I chose to send them before the greedy self of mine overtake me).

Mendengar kabar bahwa Mas Febri Diansyah memutuskan mundur dari KPK adalah bukan hal yang baik untuk membuka pagi. Sebuah pesan whatsapp dari mantan Pemred Auditoria menyapa saya, “Febri Diansyah mundur, im” yang sontak membuat saya membeku beberapa detik. Saya tidak akan membicarakan pandangan saya akan mundurnya sosok jubir komisi antirasuah itu sebab sudah banyak yang membahasnya dan secara prinsip, saya setuju dengan opini yang beredar. It’s so heartbreaking that I don’t want to hear or talk about it actually.