By nurimroatun - April 19, 2022


If you are here right after I posted this, it means I’m on a flight to Sydney, the city I mentioned as one of my dreams since 2013 (please pray for me to land safely). Moving out of Jakarta this time, I realized that I’m in a constant search mode for a "home" all my life. I am leaving the only country I called home with mixed feelings, but most importantly thankfulness.

In early April, I received the information that I would be starting my master’s degree journey this very month (yes you read correctly). Supposedly to be great news, half of April 2022 turned out to be one of the toughest periods in my life. I have to prepare everything only in 18 days. And considering how bad I am toward goodbyes, every little melancholy doubled in weight.

However, now that I can join this Jakarta-Sydney trip, I can breathe easy while reminiscing all the struggles I had. I thought I would fail to meet the departure preparation deadline. I was a bit pessimistic about whether I could start the course this term. I lost count of how many times I said: “Should I just defer to the next term?” because the hurried preparation wasn’t comfortable at all if not seemed impossible.

Realizing how difficult to make the decision to move forward with the original plan or to defer, I performed istikhara prayer. As always, I don’t know and Allah knows. So I asked Him to guide me in deciding which option benefits me the most. I also asked Him to give me the strength to accept the decision whatever it was. It didn’t take long for Him to guide me to stick with the plan by making my heart suddenly feel stronger.

I was stronger but if I have to mention something that made tears sit in the corner of my eyes is how kind and helpful the people around me were. I then understood that when Allah says He does not burden a soul beyond what it can bear, He really means it. Your strength is not just your own force but the collective power of you and the people who helped you. That when He wanted to make you overcome the difficulties, He sends the helping hands--both from the expected and unexpected directions. Miraculously, the answer to the prayer started to fall into place. I finally could make it, even though still facing a lot of dramas until the very last time.

One day, a good friend of mine ever mentioned how important the little help given by other people was when she was in a tough period. That she appreciated the people who did even the simplest things so she could concentrate on something big she was facing. Now that I am in that period, I understand her statement wholeheartedly. That even someone waited for me to print my scholarship contract, which was sent to me at the end of the working hours, was a big intangible pat on my shoulder. I remember when that friend and I stepped out of the office, I wanted to say thousands of thank you if that wasn't wasting too much of my friend’s time. So I just smiled and promised that I will remember the kindness for all my life.

Maybe I never said millions of thanks but I’m eternally grateful for every little thing the people did. Some of you may know that I fear asking for help. No, it’s not that I aimed to be a fully independent woman. I just feel that being dependent is a luxury I couldn’t afford. Being accompanied is a wish I could only keep by myself. Therefore, I appreciate the people who offered me help without me asking for it first. Every little help you offered put me on the brink of tears. Even the smallest kindness would always be remembered. I am forever indebted to a lot of people this time around and I promised that I will not let everyone down. I will work hard so every effort the people spent on me wouldn’t go to waste.

I am willing to trade my one-year hard work to see your smiling faces. InsyaAllah I am just 365 days away from you all. Until that day, I will pray for our pleasant meetings in the future. Until then, please wait for me happily and healthily.

Thank you.

Thank you for being the ingredient of my happiness.





P.S.: During the preparation, I numbed myself because I didn’t have the luxury to pause and process my feelings. Ah, I am still that "pretend-to-be-tough" woman.  Now that I am finally on the plane, should I just cry? 😊 

Thank you for sending me off ☺(and for some people who didn't join this photo, you know I appreciated it not any less)


image source: meer.com

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