image source: Maxwell Nelson in unsplash.com

When I was a senior high schooler, I remember almost every cool kid in the school wore Piero shoes (please don’t judge us. In Purworejo at that time, the shoes were a subtle sign you are well off. Hihi). So like every other kid, I asked my parents to buy me one. I mean the pair wasn’t that expensive so it wasn’t too much to ask, right?

However, my parents were against the notion. I couldn’t own the shoes since we didn’t have the luxury to afford them while projecting our future where the children could live well. Coming from a modest background, we needed to do frugal living and save money so that both my brother and I could attend colleges, secure good jobs, and live better than my family did. Because of that long-term mission, we didn’t have the privilege to possess the things we wanted, even the seemingly inexpensive ones. It was frustrating that even the relatively cheap stuff for other people wasn’t affordable for us. Was I finally okay with that? Of course not. For kids at that age, it was totally disappointing. 

For years, I brought the disappointment of not being able to own the “cool” stuff along with my life as I can’t wear beautiful clothes, stylish shoes, bags from popular brands, etc. I basically have to wear the cheaper everything so that the family’s dreams were achievable. What happened next was that I promised myself to live a comfortable life where I can acquire the items I want to have in the future. I worked hard to ensure that I could succeed so the money problem won’t bother me anymore. 

However, when the time has finally come, for example, now that I can purchase the shoes with my own money, surprisingly, I didn’t buy one. Even when I could afford the goods from the more expensive brands, I was still the person who wore relatively cheaper things than what people around me did. Not that I am not interested in the luxurious stuff. Of course, as a human, I like to be clad in branded items. However, the experience of not having the things I wanted has put me into this perspective: I need to be aware of whether I need something or just want it. That the hard-earned money should be spent wisely as I am also grateful for the life I have today. That I need to be patient because, in life,  my dreams may or may not come true.

Seeing it from my current standpoint, the experience I had in the past was what grounded and humbled me. I had walked so far to be here so all I have is to be thankful for the life I have today.  Whenever I feel that my day sucks, I remember all those days when everything seemed so far away. It was such a humbling reminder. 

However, if I have to mention one precious lesson that I learned from that experience is to not judge everything harshly. My past self was upset with my parents even though maybe it was already the best they could do for me. Maybe they already did all they could to support me yet for me it wasn’t enough. Perhaps it was the best experience for the young me to embrace the future yet I was ridiculously ungrateful. So I beg myself to not be too hard on anyone (including me) since maybe they already provided/did the best they could.

If I could go back to the 16 years old self of mine, I would just hug her and tell her not to be upset over this matter. (Hey I can’t stop crying typing this part). The old me who was sad over the trivial things, look at you now. You are fine. You are completely fine. You walked properly in the right direction even without the dream Piero shoes.

So my dear self, even when you couldn’t have something, please remember that everything is still okay. You’ll be fine, as always. 

Love, 

iim

image source: gene.com

(For weeks, I wrote a bunch of halfway done writings and can finish nothing so I am beyond happy to finally be able to publish one.)

When I was in the period of entering senior high school, my dad said something to me who just learned to ride a motorcycle: “Don’t rush on the road. What you are after, Im, that you need to speeding?”. He said that too many times as if I couldn’t truly comprehend it by hearing it once. Indeed my dad agreed with the Javanese proverb: alon-alon waton kelakon (I don’t even know how to translate this saying hihihi. The closest I could come up with are the phrases ‘slowly but surely', ‘what’s the hurry?’ or ‘wise men are never in a hurry' depending on which aspect we want to emphasize.)

Saw some bloggers shared their fun facts and I got inspired to do the same. I hope you can understand me better by knowing these fun facts about me. Which of these facts do you already know? :)

1. Born and raised in Purworejo, Central Java. However, I had lived in Jakarta during the first half of my elementary school days. 

2. Speak Javanese (all levels: ngoko, krama madya, krama alus--thank my mom that insisted I should be able to speak all of them), intermediate Sundanese (my neighbor taught me indirectly), Indonesian, English, and basic Spanish (blame Barca and Neruda :p). I am also a long-time learner of Al Quran's and Al Hadith's translation so I know a bit of Arabic, especially those which are mentioned in those books. 

3. Journaling since the first grade of junior high school. I have a habit of writing down my feelings and random thoughts (which make me surprised when I reread them). 

4. The very first money I got from writing in a magazine is IDR 25.000 and I remember my dad asked me: "Kenopo seneng banget toh im entuk selawe ewu?" ("Why are you that happy, im, to get IDR 25.000?")

5. Easily cry. Indeed a certified melancholic person. I could shed tears without a certain reason T.T

6. Been years into practicing guitar yet forever at the beginner level. How to make the proper Bm sound tho'? :p

7. Was actually a quiet, shy person who tried hard to change herself to be more confident. You may not believe it but I am an introverted person (I know you are gonna disagree but let me repeat it for the 784644 times :p)

8. Love jajanan pasar (klepon, kue putu, kue pukis, you name it) soooo much

9. My childhood dream is to be a lecturer.

10. Spent my childhood fishing, playing kite, hide and seek, jump rope, egrang, gobak sodor, and any other traditional games in my village.

11. Can't drink coffee at all. I can drink tea but prefer plain water.

14. Some of my favorite poets are Jalaluddin Rumi, Pablo Neruda, and Sapardi Djoko Damono. I had a habit of reading one by one fiction books from my schools' libraries until I finished them all, except the ones I wasn't interested in. 

15. I also enjoy reading East Asia's novels. Some of my favorites are Silent Separation (Gu Man) and I Want to Eat Your Pancreas (Yuro Sumino) :)

16. I haven't watched that many dramas but with my limited exposure, my favorite K-drama is Reply 1988, J-drama is One Litre of Tears, and C-drama is Some Day or One Day

17. I feel everything deeply--which serves as both strength and weakness for me.

18. While I love writing with my heart and soul, I hope it will never be my job. (It is the answer to the frequently asked question: "Since you love writing so much, why don't you be a full-time writer?". On the contrary, because I love it so much, I want to do it pressure-free.)

19. My childhood memories also consist of the period where my mom didn't let me watch TV. She encouraged me to play outside the house instead. That is why I am not familiar with Doraemon's stories and any other cartoons'.

20. My dream house is a beach house, where the back door connects me with the seashore. It is indeed therapeutic.

21. If I had to choose, my favorite color is navy blue, although I like almost all colors equally.

22. The thing I find most attractive in a person is their eyes. Personality-wise, it is the beautiful balance of patient and passionate attitude.

23. I feel comforted to smell petrichor and soft morning dew. To calm my mind, I sometimes perform meditation.

24. Jennie of Blackpink had ever been asked about what action a man does that makes her heart flutter. I know my answer is not important (since nobody is curious about it) but same as Jennie, I like when someone remembers something I mentioned in the past and does it for me. In addition, I do highly appreciate chivalrous behaviors, even better when they are performed subtly as if they are genuine habits of the doer. 

25. My favorite subjects at school were biology, history, and PE.

26. I couldn't watch any scary movie. 

27. Realizing I am easily affected emotionally, I am learning to be a stoic. A long way to go :)

28. Now when I think about it, I have a habit of giving in and putting other people first. Back in junior high school, when participating in the regional's scout jamboree, I slept in the kitchen tent so my team didn't jostle against each other while sleeping in the main tent. I also let my friends had the room I've reserved the night before STAN's entrance exam and I slept in a mosque instead.

29. The issues I wish I talked more about: mental health and equality in quality education.

30. Some of my comfort songs are Coldplay's Fix You, The Carpenter's Yesterday Once More, Lee Juck's Don't Worry Dear, Leehi's Breathe, Jung Eunji's Hopefully Sky, and Mao Buyi's Perfect Day. I don't listen to many Indonesian musicians but if I have to mention one that I really like, it's gonna be KLa Project. Their songs comfort me from time to time.

So what are your fun facts, pals? :)

Your friend, 

iim